Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
