guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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