This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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