I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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