He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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