bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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