8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
