yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
