sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
