is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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