it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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