Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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