WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
