my sisters under your porch take her home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Randomize
