Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
