the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
