Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
