I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
