My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
