Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
