my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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