On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
