i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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