Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
