I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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