but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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