he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
