Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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