Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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