i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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