One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
