Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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