Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize