We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
