I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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