On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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