you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
