Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
