I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
