You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So squirting runs in the family.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I party with great urgency now.
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