no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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