Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
