from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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