Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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