I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
