So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
