We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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