You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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