Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
