oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
