What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
