since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize