Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
