You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
