The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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