his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
