dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
