you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
