Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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