butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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