with your own penis?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize