Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
