So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
