Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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