I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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