i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
