you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
50% drunk capacity currently
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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